An Army Is Needed

I know I haven't posted in a month...it's been a rough one.  My D&C didn't go very well, the complications were unbearable.  Emotionally I feel much better this time than I did last time, but physically I'm about 100 times worse.
My doctor seems discouraged about us having anymore kids.  She thinks we need to see a genetic counselor and has officially told me that I have 'recurrent miscarriages' and that I will be 'high risk' from this point forward.  :o(

But that's not why I'm writing.  A family needs your help, your thoughts and your prayers.

Layla is a 22 month old beautiful little girl who is in a losing battle with Neuroblastoma.  She is dying, and there is no nicer way to put it.  Tonight at St. John's Lutheran Church they are holding a prayer vigil for her.  You don't need to know her, or me, or anything about the situation in order to shout to the heavens.  Please pray that God end her suffering sweetly, that she go without fear or anxiety.  Please pray that her family can hold her hand as she takes her last breath and that she can smile in her last moments.

So please, tonight, if you can -- stop, take a minute and pray to God for this little girl, for her family & friends as they struggle to say goodbye to a child that never really got a chance to live.

http://www.laylagrace.org/

No Words Can Describe...

Well, I just found out that we are not going to make it with this pregnancy.

My doctor called me and told me that my HcG went from 1085 to 1400 in 4 days.  It's suppose to double every 24 hours, so it means it is a nonviable pregnancy.

If I don't miscarry naturally over the weekend then I have to go in Monday at 8:30am for surgery.

This is the second miscarriage I've had.  It's very hard to go through this.  The emotions that come along with something like this are completely indescribable.  My heart feels like it's getting ripped from my body...my head hurts and my eyes won't stop watering, even if I try. 

:o( 

The Woman That Tried To Kill Me

I dropped my little brother off at school this morning and went to go back to the highway so I could go to work...the road i have to drive down is almost desolate except for one church and there are NO road lights. I was driving about 1/2 down when I see all these cars with their bright lights on, flashing them at me. Then I see this woman with her hood of her jacket up walking towards me in the lane that I'm driving in. I stopped initially to go around her, but all the cars were still coming towards me in the opposite lane (2 lane road). I started backing up but right when I backed up a car pulled up RIGHT behind me. The woman got closer so I tried to pull to the left (there were no cars coming) into the other lane to go around her...she lunged at my hood and started beating it and yelling 'YOU BITCH! YOU DID IT! IT'S YOUR FAULT AND YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR IT!' Just repeatively beating my hood and screaming at me. She honestly LOOKED crazy. I realized that she was going to try and get into my car so I pulled the keys from my ignition (i don't have auto locks IN my car, only on my remote and it doesn't work if the keys are in the ignition) and locked my door. When I pulled the keys from the ignition and the interior light came on the woman ran to my side of the car and started beating on my drivers window trying to get in. She pulled the door handle SECONDS after I locked the door. I put the keys back into the ignition and backed up as far as I could (about 3 feet) and she ran back to my hood and kept hitting it screaming at me. The whole time this is happening cars are driving past me and no one is stopping to help me. This woman from the church comes to the road and pushes the lady away from my car and holds her...so I drove up about 1/4 mile to the gas station, parked and called 911. About 30 minutes later the police show up WITH THE WOMAN in their car. Apparently, she lives at Tomball College in an RV and has a bull mastiff and kitten. She isn't from America.

Apparently the woman who stopped the lady who was trying to kill me got beaten up. She saved my life...that woman was trying to kill me. After I pulled away and crazy lady beat the church lady up, the crazy woman stood in front of a school bus and when the bus driver stopped the woman tried to GET ON A SCHOOL BUS!

I about threw up 3 times, from the nerves. My stomach is completely in knots and I can't stop shaking. Everytime I see a pedistrian on the side of the road and I have to stop at a red light, my heart stops. I've never in my life been as scared as I am/was right now.

My car was semi-dirty (from the light rain we got last night) and you can clearly see the prints on my hood from where she was slamming her hands and fists onto it, and on my drivers side door there is a clear hand print and mud slide from where she grabbed my door handle.

The worst part of all of it is if Matt were gone (like he was initially suppose to be) I would have had Madi with me on the way to daycare. Now I can't stop thinking "oh my god, I could have had Madi with me." and how, if that would have happened...I would have had to run over her...

*** Madi's test results came back in...everything looks NORMAL! Thank you to everyone who said an extra prayer for us. They work miracles. We have another appointment in one month to recheck her weight and head size. Hopefully her head growth will satisfy them enough to not have to take that "next step" of CT and x-ray of skull. ***

Also, Matt and I are happy to announce that we are expecting baby #2 in Sept of 2010. I am about 6 weeks along right now. My initial HcG came back at 1085 and progesterone of 13.7. The nurse said those numbers look good, so let's hope we have a sticky little baby!

Waiting Is the Hardest Part

It's been "5" days since we took Madi to see Dr. V.  We knew when we took her that it might take some time for the test results to come back in...what we didn't know is that the wait between the test time and result time would be the absolute longest time of our lives.

Each day, composed of the same 24 hours it has always been, seems more like 3 days.  Each minute feels like 5 minutes.  The time just seems to be going so slowly.  I've kept myself busy at work, I've straightened, reorganized and done everything I could think to do...but it still doesn't seem to help the clock go any faster.


It's 2pm on Friday, and something tells me that we aren't going to hear anything today.  I was hoping and praying that we would...but I guess we will have to wait until Monday.  Madi's doctors appointment is at 9am on Monday morning. 

Please pray that we receive only good news.

The Next Step

It looks like the next step in the process is going to be a CT scan and x-ray.  They will scan Madi's brain for defects, tumors and growth restrictions.  The x-ray will be of her skull to see if the plates have fused together too early.

My stomach is literally ill at the thought that Madi may be seriously sick.  She is our blessing from God.  Our gift.  We treasure her, enjoy her and love her.

Please pray for our family.  Please pray for our strength, our hope and our faith.  Please pray for Madi.  She is all smiles, she doesn't even know she's sick.

Prayers for Health

Yesterday was a rough day for us.

We had Madi's routine pediatrician visit at 10:30am.  On the way to the visit Matt and I spent the car ride betting on Madilynn's weight.  I thought it would be 13lb 8oz, he said that she had to be over 14lbs.  To our surprise her weight checked in at 12lb 11oz. 

At her 4 1/2 month visit (Nov 24) she weighed 12lbs.  This means that Madi only gained 11 ounces in 6 weeks. 

Madi has had weight issues since she was born.  She was a small baby to begin with (5lb 6oz at birth) and when we left the hospital she only weighed 4lb 14oz.  We woke her up every 2 hours during the day and night to feed her, just to make sure she would gain that extra weight she needed.  By August 28th when we were leaving the NICU, Madi weighed in at 9lb 2oz. 

Her weight struggled after that.  She gained until 10lb 6oz, but has struggled since.  In the last 3 months she has barely put on 2lbs.  We kept brushing her weight issues off with excuses (we stopped breastfeeding, she didn't like the bottle, she had daycare anxiety, she had reflux) but the last 6 weeks have been non-stop eating.  She takes in about 24-32 ounces of formula a day (480-640 calories) plus baby food and juices.  With the amount of formula she is taking in, she should be gaining weight steadily and she isn't.

After we left Dr. C's office yesterday we got a phone call from a good friend, Chelsea.  Her boss, Dr. V wanted to see us and he wanted to see us now.  We got there and met with him around 3pm.  He is an amazing doctor.  He took the time to explain each detail of her charts to us.  He showed us why there was concern. 

We were immediately sent to North Cypress Hospital to do testing.  Madi had to go through 4 shots, 2 (IV in the arm) blood draws, an EKG and an x-ray on her chest.  She is scheduled to go to Texas Children's Hospital on Thursday for a sweat test. 

We are in a waiting period right now.  Dr. V said it could be a wide variety of issues causing her calories to be absorbed too quickly.  A brief list of the ''possible causes'' ranged from a brain/skull disorder called microcephaly, crainiosynostosis -- a heart defect or tumor -- a digestive issues/blockage -- a metabolic disease -- a surplus or too little of an enzyme.  I'm sure that there were more, but I really can't remember them right now.  The worst ones always stick with you.

We are going to be going through a world of testing the next few week to try and narrow down the possible causes.  Please pray for Madi and for our family.  We need help. 

New Year -- Big Changes

PS - Apparently it is "International Blog De-Lurker Week."  If you've been reading but not commenting, say HI!  I'd love to know who I'm spilling my guts to every day,  haha.

2010 is officially here.  I'm so excited to start a new year.


My three biggest resolutions for 2010 are:
1) Completely quit smoking.  I actually am really happy about this.  I had quit smoking prior to meeting Matt, but he enticed me back.  Then I quit again when I was pregnant and Jay AND Matt enticed me back.  New Year, no smoking!
2)  Be able to run 6 miles by June.  If I run 1 mile per month (1 in Jan, 2 in Feb, etc...) by June 6 miles should be a snap.  I ran that much before I had Madi, so it's all about willpower and putting my mind to it.
3) Save money and have NO debt.  Matt and I are working diligently on saving as much money as we can and paying off all debt (student loans, cars, credit cards, etc...).  When he starts with the AF we want to be comfortable enough so that I don't have to work anymore.  (Now thats a goal I can work towards!)


Matt is leaving for basic training at the end of March.  He will be gone until the end of May when we will have to go to San Antonio for his graduation (20-23rd).  It's going to be a very emotional meeting because immediately after graduation from basic he leaves to Missouri for tech school.  We aren't going to go to tech school with him, so he will be gone from May until August and we may only get to see him once.  His baby girl is going to be 8 1/2 months old when he leaves and when he comes back she's going to be almost 14 months old!  Can you imagine?


I am so proud of him!

Christmas Post -- Really Late!

Christmas was wonderful for all of us!


Madi got a lot of wonderful presents from friends and family.

Pappy and Nana gave Madi an adorable exercauser. It has a MILLION lights and sounds and toys on it. She plays in it constantly and it's helping her to improve her lower body strength. She use to stand on top of her own feet when she was standing and within one week of playing in it she's started spreading her feet out (like a normal person) and standing like that instead. She smiles and coos at all the toys.

Gigi and Missy gave Madi a doll called Libby. She's about 18" tall and soft. She has yarn hair and she's adorable. Madi lays in her crib with Libby and talks to her nonstop.

Grandpa and Grandma Maignaud gave Madi two Baby Einstein videos to watch. She watched the first one the other night and smiled and bounced the whole time. It's shapes and colors. She loves it!


Grandpa and Grandma Burr gave Madi a Christmas ornament that says "Baby's First Christmas" and has Madilynn 2009 engraved on it. It's absolutely beautiful. They also got her a sound and light cell phone. She loves to talk on the phone when someone calls her.


Madi visited Santa for the first time too. He was a mean old grouch (too many kids!) but she didn't mind. She smiled at him and sat up really strongly for the camera.

She's growing so fast. In just a few days she will be 6 months old. She's eating her solid foods really well, but bananas are her favorite. She is giggling up a storm and shes sitting up by herself now. We sing a song called "Happy Baby" to her and she rocks back and forth and bounces. She's adorable!

The only reason this post is SO late is because I couldn't get it to load.  Sorry!!!!

Photo Update

This is Madi only minutes after her birth.  I just wanted to post this as a comparison for the photos you are about to see. :o)

Tummy Time!

She LOVES her own feet!

She was explaining to mommy the way the world really works.

Simple Acts

I challenged myself this week to start a new phase.  A kinder, sweeter and happier phase because I want to show Madilynn what it means to be a great person with love in your heart for everyone (just as God is!).  So this week my goal is to find 5 simple acts that will make someone's day brighter.  I've only been able to find two so far, but I'm sure there will be more to come.

1) A woman at my office (we'll call her DP) was clearly having a bad day.  When she walked in dragging her feet and looking tired I asked her "how are you?"  I was expecting the obligatory "good" but instead she went on to tell me how depressed she was.  She didn't go into detail about why, and I didn't ask.  I watched her sit for a few hours and seemingly dwell on whatever it was that had her down and knew that I had to do something to make her smile.  On my lunch hour I ran to Kroger and bought a simple flower and a cupcake and put it on her desk, knowing that she loves chocolate and all women (well, most) love flowers.  When she returned from lunch to see the flowers and cupcake her reaction was amazing.  She at first thought that the flowers were FOR me and that I must've left them on her desk, but I explained to her that they were for her and that I hated to see her down.  She smiled and then her eyes welled up and she said "Oh my God, you're going to make me cry!"  She thanked me and spent a large portion of the day "smelling the roses" (figuratively and literally) and smiling. 

2)  Everyday on my way home I pass at least one homeless or beggar man on a city corner.  Usually I try and pretend I'm busy on my phone or doing something else so that I don't have to make eye contact (yes, I am THAT person) but today, I decided to make a change.  When I pulled up to 249/Bingle there was a man with a sign that said "Homeless, hungry -- Will work for food.  God Bless You!"  I dug around in my purse and realized that I had a brownie wrapped in aluminum foil from Matt's birthday brownies.  I rolled down my window when he approached my car and said "It's not much, but I have a brownie?"  He came over to me and said "Mam, thank you so much."  I told him it was no problem and he said "Are you a Christian woman?"  I responded with a "Yes sir" and he said "I can tell.  When I came here this morning I asked God to guide me, to help me in my weakness to find someone who would reach out to me.  You must've been who he was talking about.  I've been here for hours and no one has even looked at me.  We don't all make it, you know?  We don't all make it.  God must've touched your heart.  He must really be in your soul, mam."  I told him I understood and that I was glad I could help in any way.  He smiled a very grateful smile and walked back to his curb.  As the light turned green I waved and smiled and he said "We don't all make it."  It was a very touching moment.

I listened to House Blend 2 the whole way home and sang and thought about the glory of a simple act.  Just making someone else's day a tiny bit better made my better exponentially.  It's amazing that something so simple and insignificant to me, can make the day of someone else.

---

In other news, Madi is 5 months old as of today.  She's growing so fast, it's almost heart breaking.  I'll post pictures of her tomorrow.  We have her next doctors appointment on the 22nd.  She was 12lb and 25" at her last appointment and she's been eating so much ( to our great relief! ) so I imagine she's at least 14 by now! (I'm serious!!!)

We are getting Madi dedicated at Community of Faith on Saturday.  I'm looking forward to the service, as this is our first baby dedication to ever attend or be a part of.  I have no idea what the experience is going to be like, but I can imagine a world of emotions will rush over me.  I've found so much happiness in my life since I've fulled opened myself to God and allowed him to control my path.  Thanks to everyone at CoF for being such a wonderful and supportive community and thanks to Chelsea for directing me there! 

Classes end tomorrow.  I'm finishing up my computer class -- I'm pretty sure I got a "B" even though I made a 67 on the final.  It's hard to balance being a mom, full-time employee, wife and household member all at the same time.  Next semester when Matt leaves to go to basic I can only imagine it getting harder...but I am going to reprioritize and study because I am taking THREE classes!!! I'm only a few courses away from my degree in Business Management and really looking forward to being done with all of it.

Matt is still scheduled to leave mid/late January.  I'm thinking 18th!!!