Here we go...again.

I suppose I should actually write a real update now.

As you all know, Matt and I suffered another miscarriage.  On January 27th I went in and had my 2nd D&C.  The recovery was absolutely terrible.  I ended up having a uterine infection (from dirty tools or just air particles reaching my uterus during surgery) that really kicked my butt.  I missed 2 1/2 weeks of work from the entire ordeal.  I'm feeling much better now (comparitively) so that's a good thing. 

My OB wants Matt and I to go see a genetic counselor.  She gave the "ok" for us to start TTC as soon as I have one regular cycle.  We have decided to wait though.  We are going to wait until Matt gets out of basic training for the Air Force, gets through tech school and when we relocate we will reassess our situation and decide if we want to have more kids (Matt will!). 

We've also decided that if I miscarry again, we're done.  2 miscarriages, one unhealthy pregnancy resulting in a baby who is still battling weight and growth issues...it's too much to handle.  If I have to have another miscarriage & D&C, then that's the end of our TTC road.  We have talked about adoption, but we may not pursue that road due to the expenses involved.  There are just so many things to take into consideration at this point...but I'm turning my worries over to "the man upstairs" and I'm going to take every day one at a time.  If we have another baby, yay!, if we don't -- so be it.

We had Madilynn's one month follow-up appointment with her specialist on Monday.  She only gained 7.83 ounces in the course of a month (not good.)  Dr. V gave us some duocal formula supplement to help increase her calorie intake in hopes that her weight will go up from this.  We have another appointment on Monday.  I WANT to have a positive attitude about this, but I just don't "feel" right.  I don't think that lack of calories is the problem with Madi's slow weight gain.  She is getting in roughly 40ounces a day in formula (at 20 calories an ounce it's close to 800 calories!) and eating between 1-4 jars of baby food (100 calories per jar).  On her heavy eating days she's taking in 1200 calories!  That's a little over 1/2 what an adult is suppose to take in each day too...so while an extra 100 calories of Duocal may help for babies who having problems EATING enough calories, I fail to see how it is going to help Madi with her weight gain. 

I discussed with Dr. C (primary pedi) about my feelings on the issues and he tends to agree.  He said he is going to get with Dr. V (specialist) to see what road to take next.  It may be another round of blood draws, lab works, hospital tests and ultimately could result in CT scans and MRI's on Madi.  The radition exposure scares me, but I want to make sure she's 100% healthy.  All babies deserve to be healthy. 

So here we go again, I feel like we're stuck on a carousel...spinning and spinning...except with no pretty colors and cutesy music. 

Keep our family in your thoughts and prayers, if you will.  We are going through a lot of things emotionally, physically & mentally right now and could use the support and dedication of our closest family & friends (as well as internet buddies!). 

Also, please continue to pray for Layla Grace (www.laylagrace.org) as her family struggles with her losing her battle to cancer.  From her last update it does look like her last days are drawing closer and closer.  What a tragedy.

And finally -- if you have time -- just throw these extra prayers in for some extraordinary women I met at Community of Faith last night.

- Prayers for help finding a job
- Prayers for a mother struggling to decide what to do with her (teenage!!) kids
- Prayers for a mother struggling with patience
- Prayers for a mother to put her faith and trust in God that he will make the best decisions for her daughter and that her daughter will be safe regardless of what happens in the situation

Also, please pray for all those affected in Haiti, the IRS building that was crashed into & ...well, just pray for everyone!