Halloween & Church

I'm sure that the two items listed in the title don't really belong together, seeing as Halloween's background is completely the opposite of church...but that's what this is about.

Saturday was Halloween. Matt, Chelsea and I went trick or treating with our beautiful girls.

Madilynn was dressed up as a lady bug, since she seems to have a huge attachment to them. Kaitlyn was a little lamb and she was cute as could be. The girls loved spending time together and talked and laughed and smiled at each other. It was wonderful to spend time with my belly buddy Chelsea again. Even though we haven't known each other very long, she knows so much about me and my life! By the time trick-or-treating was over, both girls we completely tuckered out and passed out. All in all, we truly had a blast and can't wait to get together with Chelsea & Kaitlyn again for our next fun trip!

Sunday Chelsea and I took the girls to church for the very first time. We left them at the daycare center with some wonderful women so that we could enjoy service without them needing our attention. Community of faith was a wonderful place to go. We heard a great service from The Shook's about marriage, commitment and the true meaning of the vows that we offer when we marry. It was revitalizing and renewing.

After reading Laura Shook's blog I am going to follow one of her 'homework assignments' and list 100 things that I am truly grateful for, but I am going to list 10 per day for the next 10 entries. This should be interesting.

1) Thank you God for the wonderful husband that I have. He is literally my better half and I cannot wait to walk through life with him.

2) Thank you God for my beautiful daughter. She is the light of my life.

3) Thank you God for helping me find Chelsea. Without her, I would not have found you.

4) Thank you God for my family. We may not always get along, but they love me and I love them.

5) Thank you God for my life experiences. I have had the opportunity to travel and experience so much, at such a young age, and I would not be who I am today with out them.

6) Thank you God for each breath that I take.

7) Thank you God for my dog, Summer. She can be a horrible pain sometimes, but she has brought many wonderful smiles to my face.

8) Thank you God for my job. It isn't always my favorite thing to do, but it allows me to help support my family.

9) Thank you God for double stuf'd oreos.

10) Thank you God for courage. Throughout the many trials in my life, you have always provided me with the courage to make it through.

Quick update on Madi:

She is now 11lbs, 23 7/8 inches long. She is completely on formula now because she wasn't gaining enough weight. She has also been put on medication for reflux (late diagnosis) so that we can see if it helps her to gain any weight. We are hoping (and praying!) for a 13lb baby when we go back at the end of this month!

Frustrations and Exhaustion

Matt and I finally went out of town together this weekend. I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend with no stress and not having to worry about Madilynn -- but it turned into quite the opposite.

I left Madi with her Grandma (my mom) and the only things I requested were 1) Follow our schedule and give her a bath at 9pm; 2) don't take her anywhere without talking to us first; 3) feed her breastmilk (I took out 50 ounces).

Soooooo...she got a bath at 7:30pm, ate formula and when I asked my mom NOT to take her to church since we were just a few minutes away from the house, she hung up on me, went anyway and ignored my phone calls.

Needless to say, I will not be going out of town again anytime soon.

I appreciate that my mom watched her...but the only reason I even went this weekend is because I felt incredibly pressured to do so by my sister & mom in the first place. I enjoyed it, but I'm in utter shock that the only things I asked from my mom were completely disrespected. I don't know how to even feel about it. I WANT to be able to leave her with my mom, but now I feel like I can't because what Matt and I want for her is disregarded and replaced with whatever Grandma feels is best.

Before I left my mom said "I'm Grandma, it's my job to break the rules." It's so frustrating that she feels this way! Why? What is the point of butting heads with me about how to take care of my daughter? Why can't she just accept that even if she doesn't agree with our decisions, she needs to respect them and follow what we've laid forth. It's totally ruining the relationship I have with my mom and I don't know how to show her how much she is hurting me. I've tried everything I can think of. I've talked to her, written a letter, everything -- but she just ignores me anyway.

I'm exhausted and tired and irritated and frustrated. This is absurd. This is NOT what I expected my mom to act like, not at all. I'm so disappointed.

Blah

I just wrote this great, long post about how wonderful being a mom is, how Madi is growing and changing & how Matt is joining the Air Force...but when I hit post I got an error message. Needless to say, Blogspot deleted it.

I'm not re-writing it.

:o)

Sleep Deprived...

I think today is the most exhausted I've been in years. I don't know why, but I'm completely EXHAUSTED.

I gave Madi a bath early last night (8pm) and by 9:30pm she was dead asleep. I should have gone to bed then because that would have given me like 7 1/2 hours of sleep. Instead I took a shower, talked on Facebook & WTE for a while and then Matt and I had a talk...by the time I 'fell' asleep it was probably 11:30pm. So I'm thinking "ok, cool. I can have 4 1/2 hours of sleep. Except not. Madilynn woke me up at 3:30! She was hungry and (semi) wanted to play. I got her to fall back asleep around 4am...but by that point I was 1/2 awake.

You know how when you wake up like 15 minutes before your alarm and you're wide awake but just want to enjoy those last 15 minutes so you fall back asleep? Then, when you wake back up you are sooooo tired even though 15 minutes before you were awake? That's about 1/2 as tired as I am right now.

Anyway, I fell back asleep around 4:15, but had to get up 45 minutes later for work.

Then, on my way into work it must have been 'national honk your horn' day. Every 5 minutes someone was honking about something. I got honked at TWICE. I don't think I've been honked at in ages. It was hilarious. Road rage is a funny thing.

Just a Few Quick Pics

Mommy & Madi snuggling


Showing off her beautiful eyes




Taking a nap on the blanket the Ronald McDonald house gave her after her NICU trip.




Dad, Madi & Mommy

My Return To Work

Today is my first day back to work. I am feeling a world of emotions right now and it is definitely taking a toll on me. I knew that this day would come eventually, but I never really 'prepared' myself for it. I always thought I'd just be able to get up one morning and walk out the door and everything would be ok. It's not. It's hard and sad and I am ready to go home.

Madilynn is going to be three months old on Thursday. It's amazing how fast time has flown and how much she has grown and changed in just the past few weeks. She is now 10 pounds, 7 ounces and 23 1/3 inches long. Quite a change from her birth weight (5 lb 6 oz & 18 1/2 inches!).

I remember the last 12/13 weeks of my pregnancy as lasting forever. The first 12/13 weeks of Madi's life went too fast. Before I know it I am going to be 40 years old and she's going to be going to college and graduating and having babies of her own. It's a large step forward, I know, but it just seems like at this rate, I won't be able to keep up.

We had a brief stay in the Neo-natal intensive care unit (level II). Madi somehow contracted bacterial meningitis. It was horrible to see her all hooked up to machines and sensors. I had to hold her down when they did her lumbar puncture and inserted her IV. I was crying and on the verge of throwing up. She's much better now and we pray to never have to go through that again.

Matt and I have discussed having another baby by this time next year. We are considering "allowing" things to happen naturally starting in Jan of 2010. We have to get ourselves more financially secure first, but I have enjoyed being a mother thus far and he has enjoyed being a father. We want Madi to have a brother/sister relatively soon so that she doesn't get spoiled and so that she has someone to play with (and get in trouble with) when she's older.

Willie came on the 2nd and took pictures of our little family. They are amazing. http://www.photo-artistry.smugmug.com/ is the website that you can view the pictures at.

We moved back to Tomball (and in with my family) to save money for a house. It has been a drastic adjustment and we are still learning how to co-habitate with my parents and brothers again. There have been a few rough patches, but all-in-all things are great.

I guess I should get back to work now.

Whew! What A Month!!

Matt and I are proud to announce that we have had our beautiful little girl! Madilynn Michelle Midkiff was born on 07/09/09 at 7:01am. She weighed 5 pounds 6 ounces at birth and was 18 1/2 inches long.

I went to the perinatologist on the 8th for an ultrasound to check on Madilynn's growth and my amniotic fluid. We discovered that my fluid had dropped from 7.5 cms to 6cms in less than a week. Madilynn was also still only measuring at 34.4 weeks, so the doctor said "Time to go have a baby!"

I was in complete shock when she uttered those words. Not only was I not expecting to go to the hospital after my ultrasound, but I was completely unprepared and STARVING! The doctor said I was not allowed to eat before going to the hospital because they wanted to begin the induction immediately. I called Matt and let him know and off I went!

I got started on pitocin at about 3:00pm. I was already 1cm dilated and about 20% effaced. After 4 hours of pitocin I had progressed to 2-3cm and 70% effaced. The doctor broke my water and stripped my membranes at about 7 hours into the labor (10pm). I labored naturally with the pitocin until about 2am when the contractions were coming back to back and I could no longer handle them. I asked for demerol and it helped momentarily. Madilynn started having a hard time handling the contractions (as was I!) and her heartrate kept dropping to 40bpm with each contraction...the doctor came in and said that the way things were going now we were headed for a C-Section. I desperately did not want to have a c-section but decided that if it became necessary I would rather have an epidural than a spinal tap so I asked for the epi. The anesthesiologist was in a c-section already and couldn't come right away. The doctor decided to try an amniotic flush to see if that helped with the issues that Madilynn was having with the contractions and it most certainly did. After about 10 minutes of the flush Madi's heart rate stopped dropping so drastically with each contraction. What a relief!

After I got the epidural (at about 3-4am) I passed out. I woke up around 6:30 and told the nurse that I felt like the epi was wearing off because my back hurt & she said "Oh well let me check you." This was immediately followed by "Oh my!! That's it, time for baby!" Matt (who slept through the entire labor) had to get woken up for go-time. We kicked everyone out of the room and did ONE practice push. Doctor Pehr was called and once he got in we pushed through 3 contractions (about 5 minutes) and Madilynn was born!

It was a beautiful and amazing experience and we couldn't have been more thrilled.

Madilynn weighed 4lb 14oz when we were released from the hospital. Breastfeeding was horrible at first, but things are easy as pie now! At Madi's 4 day old pedi appointment she weighed 5lb 3oz. At her two week appointment she weighed 5lb 13 1/2 oz and she was 19 1/8 inches long.

She is a great baby. She slept 5 hours when we first brought her home but we had to change up her sleep schedule in order to get her to gain weight. She sleeps about 2-3 hours at a time now because of it.

Needless to say, we are completely exhausted most days but being a parent is amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world. Matt loves his daughter more than anything in the world & it has definitely changed our relationship with each other for the better. We are truly enjoying our new family!

July 4th Update

Well, the last week didn't go nearly as well as we had planned it to.

Madilynn's results came back from her ultrasound on Monday and they weren't nearly as good as we had hoped they would be. The doctor is concerned about Madi's size and her fluid levels are low too. He didn't seem to be too worried about it on Monday afternoon but said we would schedule an ultrasound for the 10th or so.

On Wednesday night I started having real difficulty breathing. After about two hours I felt like I could get literally NO oxygen and Matt had to rush me to the ER. Upon arrival my pulse was 154 and my BP was 117/78 (100/60 is my norm). The triage staff immediately admitted me to the hospital to run a series of tests. I had oxygen and an EKG, etc...it was terrifying. They could do a chest x-ray because of Madi so they had to do alternative testing...it all came back inconclusive. The hospital did another ultrasound on Madilynn early Thursday morning and also did one on my legs to check for blood clots (they were initally concerned with pulmonary embolism). The ultrasound on my legs came back clean, so they decided to send me home. About two hours before they were getting ready to discharge me my fever shot up to 102. After giving me Tylenol they decided to keep me another night. My fever got as high as 103 and would not go down no matter how much medicine they gave me. I was terrified, and Madilynn wasn't handling it well. Her heart rate was skyrocketing to 200bpm (it's normally 150). Things weren't going too well for either of us.

Eventually my fever went down to about 99.6 and they sent me home with a z-pack and no diagnosis.

Madilynn's secondary ultrasound came back with not such good news either. Her growth seems to have completely stopped. At her last ultrasound she measured 34 weeks 5 days, and this ultrasound shows that she is still measuring 34 weeks 5 days. Her weight actually dropped from 5lbs 8oz to 5lbs 4oz. My AFI is still 7.6.

Monday we will be discussing an induction or c-section with the doctor due to this new news...please keep Madilynn in your prayers.

36 Week Appointment

This morning we had our '36 week' doctor's appointment. He didn't really do anything besides listen to Madi's heartbeat and ask us if we had any questions...but we don't. Haha.

On Friday (the 26th) we had our final ultrasound at the Center for Medical Genetics downtown. I love that place! The ultrasound tech showed us all of Madilynn's little body parts and where they are positioned. They estimated her weight at 5lbs 8oz as of right now. If I end up (by some miracle) carrying her all the way until July 25th, she would weigh almost 8lbs! So send lots of labor dust my way so that we can get her to make an appearance sooner rather than later.

The ultrasound confirmed that Madilynn is totally and completely head down. She has dropped as far as she can drop until it is time to make an entrance -- so it's all just a big waiting game right now.

Everyone keeps saying it's going to be soon though, even the ultrasound tech. She said "Well I don't see you making it much further...less than two weeks?" So that means that by July 10th I could be holding my beautiful little girl!

I will post new pictures on Friday...I need to put updated pictures of Matt & Summer too!

Wow, It Has Been A While!

I guess I really should have kept this blog up to date...Haha. Needless to say, Matt and I have been incredibly busy preparing for Madilynn.

We got married on March 21st and everything is going wonderfully for the two (almost three!) of us. I don't have any pictures of the wedding to upload, but you can view the entire gallery by going to http://www.photo-artistry.smugmug.com/

Here is a 24 week belly picture!

Here is a 35 week belly picture!

We are closing in on our 36th week of pregnancy and the doctor seems to think it is only a matter of time before Madilynn makes her big debut. She is head down and engaged against my cervix...but no dilation or effacement as of the 22nd. The doctor seems to think that as soon as my cervix softens she's just going to come shooting right out. Haha.

We had a beautiful and wonderful baby shower on June 14th. It was such a great suprise and we got a lot of really awesome things for our new family. Matt and I had such a great time with all of our family & friends. We got to play a lot of the cheesy baby shower games, and loved every minute of it!

And of course, Baby Madilynn at 28 weeks 3d/4d ultrasound!